The One Gift Grieving Moms Need

Are you dreading Mother’s Day?

Do you wish someone could give you a gift that you actually wanted?

A week after my son died it was my birthday. Two months after that it was Christmas, and then came Mother’s Day. I remember being asked around those special occasions, “What do you want for a gift?” I got so emotional, and all I could think was, “I don’t want anything. All I want is James back.”

Gifts seemed so pointless to me. Who could even think of gifts when my son was gone? There was no gift anyone could give me that I would have wanted or that would have brought me joy or happiness.

There is one gift. One gift that you may not want, or you may know you need, but you’re just scared to ask for it.

My first Mother’s Day after James died my husband got me a massage. I appreciated it because massage helped me feel so relaxed and released some of the stress and anxiety I was holding onto.

It wasn’t the massage that made the gift so powerful. It was powerful because of the message my husband was sending me even though he didn’t realize it. He was telling me that it was okay for me to take care of myself, that I mattered. He knew that I needed to take care of myself, so I could take care of our living daughter better, and that our relationship could flourish.

There was so much anger, sadness, and anxiety (the list goes on) that was showing up in our house as yelling and screaming. Most of it was coming from me and directed at our daughter. I became this ugly person I didn’t like anymore, and because I didn’t like myself and how I was treating my family, I didn’t think I deserved to be taken care of.

Do you feel this way, too? Like you don’t deserve anything because you feel like you failed? Or because you’re turning into a person you don’t even like?

I hear you. I see you. I was you.

Those are lies you are telling yourself. You deserve a gift, and the best gift that you can give yourself – and the gift that you really need – is to invest in yourself, whatever that looks like for you. Investing in yourself is a form of self-love, which looks like self-care.

This gift is not just a one-time thing. That gift of a massage was a one-time thing, but ever since then I’ve been getting a massage at least twice a year, and even that is not enough. It’s a start, but it’s not enough. We need to do something to show ourselves love everyday, or at the very least once a week.

This could look like reading 10 pages of a personal development or a spiritual book every day. Maybe you’re going to start taking a bath once a week to just take care of yourself, relax and let everyone else take care of themselves. Maybe you’re going to start showering a couple of times a week. I know for me showering was a big thing. I never wanted to do it, but when I did, it felt so good. For a while that was a way for me to tell myself I love myself and that I matter, that I’m worthy of being taken care of.

Are you at a point in your grief that you realize you need more than that now?

You know what you need to do and want to do, but you’re still having a hard time getting yourself to do theses things on a regular basis. Leaving self-love and self-care up to chance isn’t good enough.

You need to invest in your personal growth and transformation. Whether you’re investing in a therapist or a coach like myself, that is one of the best gifts you can give yourself this Mother’s Day.

Whether you’re a bereaved mother, an adoptive mom, a foster mom, a biological mom, a birth mom, a step mom or any other type of “Mom”, every mom matters. Every single mom matters, and you deserve to be honored on Mother’s Day.

I know there’s a bereaved mother’s day, but we still deserve to be honored on Mother’s Day too.

Tell your significant other, tell your partner, tell your spouse, “I need to take care of myself. Can you help me invest in myself?” Whatever that looks like for you, and if you need support around this, that’s what I’m here for. Send me a message. Reply to an email.  Schedule a 15 min call with me!

When you invest in yourself at a higher level, you will embrace that new identity that is waiting for you. Feel healthy, live fully, and live joyful again.

What is one gift of self-love you are going to give yourself?

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