When Your Happily Ever After Doesn’t Happen | Part 3

Is grief defining you, or is it refining you?

This is part three of a three part series. In part one, we talked about accepting your new identity. When you are accepting your new identity, it usually means you don’t want to but you know you need to, and finding the right support to help you in that transition.

In part two, we talked about how I embraced my family, what my family looked like, the identity of my family, and how you can embrace the identity of your family.

Here we are in part three. This is about embracing your identity. Who are you? This is a reflection of where I’ve been, how far I’ve come, and how you can take what I learned and apply it to your grief journey.

When grief was defining me, I didn’t care about anything. I didn’t care about what I ate. I didn’t care about how I felt because I didn’t even know how I felt. I was numb. I didn’t care about getting out of bed. If someone asked me my opinion on something, I didn’t care.

When grief defines you, you don’t care about anything.

When grief refines you, you care about everything. You see the beauty in things you never even noticed before. You enjoy life more fully and celebrate even the smallest victories.
This reminded me of how diamonds are formed. They are formed miles below the surface of the earth. Over time, the heat and the pressure of the earth form a diamond.

When you’re allowing grief to define you, you’re allowing yourself to be defined by the pressure and the heat. The guilt and shame are the pressure. The depression, anxiety, and PTSD are the heat.

The beautiful thing about this is that you are already being formed into a diamond, you’ve just been so overcome by the heat and the pressure that you still feel like the coal. The key is that someone needs to find you first and tell you that you are a diamond. You are beautiful, you are deserving, you are worthy. Then you can start to see that the pressure and the heat is there to transform you, not destroy you.

In reflection of my own journey, it started when I got to the place of acceptance. It wasn’t until I got to this place that I realized I needed to embrace my family. I didn’t know I needed to until I got there. Then, once I embraced the makeup of my family, I realized I needed to embrace who I am. You don’t need to know what is 3 steps ahead. When I was deep in depression, guilt, and PTSD, I never thought I’d be where I’m at today. Once you take the first step, you’re able to see more clearly the next step.
This has all happened because of the inner work I’ve done to grow through this process. I have more clarity about what I want to do and what I don’t want to do. I have more confidence about speaking my truth and not letting others speak for me.

As I’ve moved through each phase, I’ve had a different type of support. Think about this as you’re transitioning and transforming into a diamond. What kind of support do you need through each transition phase?

Your support will need to shift and grow alongside you because where you’re at now has gotten you this far (from A to B), but now you’re trying to go from B to C. At each level of a new transition you need a new level of support. My mission is to help grieving moms find the right support to help them through their transitions. Women who are just starting on this journey will join my free support group for grieving moms that want an uplifting and honest place for growth and transformation. In this community of women like you, you’ll get to work through these different phases together.

I encourage you to join Light of Love after Child Loss: Healing & Growth for Grieving Moms. After you do, send me an email, and connect with me on Facebook or Instagram. Whichever you choose, reach out to me because you deserve support, and you deserve the right type of support to get you to that next phase and help you move through your transition so you can come out as this shining bright diamond, sending you light and love.

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