When Your Happily Ever After Doesn’t Happen | Part 2

If you haven’t read part 1, click here to read that first.

When I reflect back on the past three years, I notice that each level of embracing my new identity took me almost a year to accept. I say this because reading blogs and looking at social media can make it feel like this process happened quickly and easily for me. Neither is true.

Let’s continue to Part 2.

Part 1, or the first level of acceptance, happened mostly during 2019.

In October of 2019, I started to not only accept, but embrace my new identity. With the guidance of a close friend, I reluctantly started my health coaching business after doing it for free for almost 10 years alongside my supplements business. This was part of me embracing my new life—having something positive to do, since I was only raising one of my two children. More about this in part 3!

After about a year of being in therapy with my family and then starting my coaching business, I was shifting from accepting to embracing my new identity. Mom of 2 with one in my arms and one in heaven.

The holistic life coaching certification I began in January of 2020 opened my mind and heart as to why I was still feeling stuck. My conditioned self patterns that I learned throughout my life were holding me back from growing through my grief and keeping me stuck in it. Grief is a healthy response to death, but staying in sadness and sorrow is not.

I learned that in order to grow, I needed to believe I was worth it. That my worth wasn’t in how many children I had, or how much money I was making, or how busy I was. I was worthy just as I was, no matter how broken I felt. I learned how to shift from my conditioned self that was keeping me stuck and depressed into my authentic self that wanted more from life while honoring James.

I had my James necklace that gave me the opportunity to talk about my son if someone commented on it and another necklace from one of my best friends that had both my children’s birthdays on it which I wear all the time. I loved both and didn’t really think I needed another piece of jewelry.

A friend and colleague of mine who creates one-of-a-kind transformational adornments posted one of her recent pieces on Instagram, and something inside me said, “I want a Mother’s Day ring.” I told my husband I was buying a Mother’s Day ring for myself.

My friend Ali and I started talking about my ring. She asked such great questions beyond what my kid’s birthstones were. She talked to me about the significance of the finger we put the ring on and how I wanted the ring to feel. This process alone allowed me to bring more awareness to my family and embrace us as we were, not as I wanted us to be.

While working intuitively on my ring, noticing colors and thinking about placing the stones, Ali sent me an email asking about my husband Jarrod’s birthstone. She then asked if I wanted to include him as well. That’s when it hit me. I didn’t want a Mother’s Day ring: I wanted a family ring. A ring that would represent my whole family, and something I would be proud to share.

Ali, using her intuition and knowledge about stones, where & how to place them, and her whole creative process, created something more beautiful than I imagined. This ring started out as a way for me to represent my two children and turned into being this beautiful adornment that helped me be proud of my family.

I got to pick up my transformational adornment the week before Mother’s Day, which is Bereaved Mother’s Day, so the timing was perfect. Since I didn’t let Jarrod help me with this gift to myself that he bought for me, I surprised him with my Mother’s Day ring-turned-family ring. It included all our birthstones and helped me embrace my whole family proudly.

Embracing your new identity doesn’t require a physical item. However, when I find myself having a hard time, my transformational adornment anchors me and reminds me how proud I am of my family. Each of us individually, and us together as a family.

Do you have something to help you embrace your new identity? Is it jewelry, a tattoo, a picture? Share with me! I want to know!

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